you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
