I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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