Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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