what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
