and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
