he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
