I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
