Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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