I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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