her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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