dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
