the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
