In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
