A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
