I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
