whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
time to smoke my breakfast
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
