Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
