My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize