dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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