Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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