when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
