I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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