Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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