Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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