So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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