just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
