I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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