drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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