Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
