my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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