SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
