When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
