ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
