then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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