i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
