I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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