Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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