Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
