i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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