Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
