I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
