also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
