My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
