from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
