And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
