Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
