i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
what day is it and did you see me today?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize