I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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