I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
