I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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