He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
