...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
