i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
