Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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