apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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