why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
