i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want her autograph on my taint
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm both gender and math confused
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
