You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
