I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
