Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize