Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
