booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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