And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
