Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
