Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
