we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
