forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
