Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
