dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
