Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
