I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
