I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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