just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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