i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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