hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize