I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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