wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
