It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
