I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
