The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
